am I going to make it?

have you ever felt tired even if you’re not doing anything? it’s like you know how to function, but you just don’t want to. and at the end of the day you realized that you did nothing, and the feeling of ‘i could’ve or should’ve done something’ is eating you up. but instead of functioning, you stare into nothing, your mind turns blank, and you tell yourself that there is no point anymore, that you’ll do better tomorrow. you keep trying to change, sometimes you make yourself think that you are trying when you’re actually not. and you do it again, one night turns to some nights, turns into every night. the guilt eats you up sometimes, sometimes you survive, the justifications win sometimes, sometimes you blame yourself, and sometimes you die on the inside, not knowing how you can feel this way, not knowing the reason to live even if those reasons are telling you that you’ve been staring right at them.

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